Tuesday, October 05, 2010

What love is all about.... I do not know.. is it the flowers or the diamonds? OR little love notes from each other that speak millions or maybe it is the million kisses and hugs one demostrate to the entire public arena ? Maybe it is not so afterall.

It was a sad sad week for Singapore and I hate. I hate life have to be this way and that people have to die. I hate it is because it just reminds me that death do comes to us all. We have a reality check every few months.. First it was Dr Goh earlier this year and now MM Lee's Wife bid adieu. I really dont even want to think about when it is time for MM to go because I cannot imagine what it would be like. It is just so sad for a man who spend so much time in office he didnt have a good retirment to spend with his wife and thus is still out there paving the way for Singapore to remain in good stead. I hope we deserved his effort because we somehow hold him ransom from a lot of family time and I as a Singaporean is guilty of.

The sourness that come with MM Lee's Choo death is undescribleable. It was bad timing with him to be in the hospital for chest infection and come a couple of days later his best partner for the last 63 years and tower of strenght passed on. How can God be so cruel to not let him be by his wife side when she bid goodbye?

Our MM is by all means a man with no nonsense and if it wasnt for his Choo I ever wonder if we would EVER see the soft side of the man. I am not an advocate of all his policies but I am an advocate of what he represents as a steering and loving partner in this little eastern confusious influenced country. His wife lend that soft touch that balance him and make him human. Not that I ever doubt MM was human but the side of him would never be broadcast if he would have it his way.

For MM's wife of Choo as what she was affectionly called by MM. The unseemingly role that she lend in devotion and assistance she plays in MM's life would be as big as how Singapore is crafted. If it wasnt for her I ever wonder if MM had time or money to pursue politics and we probably could still be in doldrums.

I read countless article of their devotion to each other.. many a times through the column of their dear daugher Dr Lee Weiling who have a column on the Sunday Times. If you would read how Dr Lee writes... you hold no wonder why she is MM Lee daughter.. almost the same no nonsense and efficient person through her personal viewpoint. She was the one who tore down the bits of that steel mask that MM dons on all the time which I like because the man is for God sake 87 and is about time we start seeing him as a devoted husband maybe a typical chinese father/ inlaw / grandfather anyways. He probably soften over the years and okay lets admit it... probably not so much but at least it shows in his daughters' write.

I remember the picture of him with his Choo at a heartshape flower entwined thingy from an article of Dr Lee a few months back. This is our MM... human afterall =)Taken on Feb 2008 before Mdm Kwa have had a major stroke. I so like this picture because of the hearty laugh and he probably thinking what a cheesy thingy to do but I heart and I glad they took it is such a nice memory and I wonder if I would ever forget it because whenever I think of MM or see him in the news.. I always thought about this picture of bliss. =) I like to have remembered Mrs Lee in that light hearted way. As usual the highly effective family is only going to have 2 days of wake and due to work commitment of a visting colleague I couldnt take time off to pay that respect to her which she so deserve.

Mrs Lee is sharp and have a big sense of humour in it. =) All these are reviewed and made known when Dr Lee writes about bits of her life and her moms quip to it.... I wonder if Dr Lee would be back writing her articles again. I didnt suspect that Mrs Lee illness was probably being grave but I should have read along the lines when Dr Lee and actually MM have also started to be more vocal about the existance of the illness.

We just as a nation took up so much time of the Lees' simply by being ourselves. All the convenient complaints and grousal now seems so frivilous to be truthful. I find myself trying to control tears when I see old shots of Mrs Lee and MM at the Temasek house in KL in 2005 where they spend some time there in the 1960 and reminsing about the photos. And especially touching part where MM head was begining to shine and Mrs Lee already having some difficulty of movement move forward to use an oil blotter to try and dry out the sweat and oil from MM's shiny high forehead. At first MM was remarking "what is that.. it is a piece of paper" and than he realized it was an oil blotter and he grew exasperated and Mrs Lee mumbled something and he

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I have not blog much because life is mudane for the moment... Not on at the peak nor is it at the bottom.

Mutt is still good although his leg is still weak but it doesnt stop him from snopping around and trying to play puppy eyes with you when you are chewing anything in the mouth. I so love love love him... =)As usual weekends revolve around him and we sneak to Jones for brunches with him at time and I secretly think he enjoys it lots since he will be served with a water bowl as well. He no long jogs and gallops now but still can walk around like a old man inflicted with arithis. He gives me scares once in a while when he attempt to chew on his legs to ease the pain but I think otherwise he is pretty okay. See this pretty cutie pie picture of him. Although he is a mutt with no confirmed breed he is the prettiest dog in my opinion *smirking like a proud parent*



This is the final month after the miscarriage where I rest. I can try and get pregnant again.. Bittersweet because I realize my stupid ovulation is dragging way too long but the gynaes I went to and yes I went for a stupid 2nd opinion from a gynae at SGH where they give you the bottom feeder of the trainees who yield absolutely nothing constructive and waste my time, money and patience!!!! Dr Heng is good but just too busy to entertain such a patient like me with these miscarriage records but she still seems like the ideal one... On another hand all the checks and even the DNA checks reveal we are okay and we were such doggone unlucky in all 3 pregnancies.

The fear of being pregnant and seeing blood scares me worlds end. I just dont know if I can take it a 4th time. On another hand I saw a lady on the forum with the same case with me right down to the fact on how she mc eventually etc and she finally have a lovely girl now! I so want that!!! I want my Reese! eventually my Bree and my Kay if they cant be girls I would also love my Rhys and really I have not even think much of boys name... Okay I am counting on blank cheques... ignore me because I get carry away...

Work is atrocious now because the I know the leech have been complaining to the boss about me. How I know because the boss tells me.... how apt! I couldnt believe a male in his 30s will stoop to the antics of a school girl in highschool! If he didnt have children I would thought he was ball-less....What a piece of chicken shit and I feel so relief after I told his boss.. look I am here to work and not interested in playing all these little games simply because I have no time. If he want to be unprofessional be my guest. On another hand I am due for a small reshuffle of duties to take on something else so am looking for it but due to the chicken shit I am having second thoughts abt start going for interviews.

Just my luck to be associated with such craps

Monday, May 24, 2010

Been spending a lot of time with the mutt and all the shoppings and outings we used to do incessestly over the weekend is becoming a thing of a past. I just to spend some good times with mutt afterall he IS 17.. how long more can he live?

The hub barber-ed him with a puppy cut although it is nowhere like how the groomers will return him but it was decent enough. With a lousy clipper to boot because I am such a cheapie to buy a good one it was really not bad at all.

It was one of the lazy days and we laze together all 3 of us watching tv for me and snoozing for the other 2.. caught bits of the state funeral held for Dr Goh Keng Swee. I couldnt believe how daft I am about this great stateman contribution.

Oblivion to the internal Greats but held overseas Greats in highest esteemed. I am glad at least upon his passing the media waxed and literally pour lyrical about him because it let someone as bimbo(san the pretty and boobs)as me learn something about a part of Singapore history. Singapore was not all about Lee Kuan Yew whom I held and still hold the greatest admiration for. Dr Goh was part of his building team which lay the foundation for this blimp on the map also known as Singapore. I dont know what the future of Singapore will bring but with the passing of the old ministers 1 by 1 I dont know if Singapore will keep up without their wisdom and guidance.

This generation have it the easiest.. I wonder if we ever be able to cultivate anyone decent in my generation because no one stands out as prominent and really it is the maintenance rather than start up they have to do and already we grimace and fear what the future beholds. I guess we must have faith... we are just so bitch lucky that our minster mentor despite at his grand age is still working freviously as before. He cant be here forever though and I know it.. it just sucks =(

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Friday, May 21, 2010

I realized I have a problem.. not death defying and thankfully the gynae office have not called me to say we have a tranlocation gene/chorosome or something.

Is a work problem and I realized I distain/dislike/abhor people who attempt to teach how to run my work when they have no clue at all in what I am doing. If you are my boss fine and I listen but than again I have never work under a boss who ever gave me the feeling as such. So we have a new member on board our product group and guess who is trying to teach us how to suck egg. You need to earn merits to get credits and from what I am seeing now he is on negative trend with me and on every topic/subjects/emails he seems to have a pretty good idea on how my work should be done in a different way. Fine but I also would appreciate if you are aware what the work is before giving any comments and most often than not I have not seen any constructive things being said that we have not consider before. Irk me so much and frankly I have no qualms at all to throw my work for him to do if he thinks he can do a better job. I am just earnestly waiting for that to happen frankly!

I was in this job for the last 2 years and all was well till a newbie comes along to come and retrain me on my roles. I really just want to say get your facts right and learn first before you attempt such antics.

On another hand I look at it as if I have an ego too big that I cannot handle. As it is right now I can tolerate any comments from him because he have reach the kingdom of no return with my patience. I tried to be cordial but after the repeat questioning or rather interogration I think I lost the plug and is now a certified grouchy bitch to him. To the extend I have started to look through papers perhaps for another jobs to get some grounding. I hate it when I am aware of the problem I have but refuse to budge.

If stuborn have a name it probably could be mine. *wink*

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The mutt is slightly better and I am going around mad and buying supplement I think it can helps him. Is a little overboard at times but money can be earned back and if I lose him now I lost it forever. So I am believing any out of the mill product where a bunch of people I have no clue about commenting it is good I take their words for it. Look forward to the supplement delivery as it is... Mutt still eats like a monster and can spring a small jog here and there although the vet say it is not recommendable for a dog with a bad back. Doh!

On another hand...

The dowager visited and I was like so thrilled. 1 cycle down and 2 to go before I can give making baby a go. So looking forward to it already. I am just hoping that the chinese physian give me an earlier heads up to trying haha.. anyway it is fat hope because she not receptive having me go through another pregnancy after 3 in a span of 8 months. GAWD!

With mutt being the top of priority right now this TCC thingy have also lapse into 2nd position in my mind. Still as impt but I know mutt cannot be with me longer than 2years max so I just want to make use of whatever time I have now and not live to regret that I was not better to him in his final years.

On the next hand (if any)

Just had lunch with trace and I so missed our lunches for the last 8 years. It wasnt short by all takes but it seems so. When people says good times pass in wheeze they really do mean it because it barely seems we had lunch for 8 years before. But I guess I wouldnt trade anything to go back to the old workplace. Everything just not the same anymore so it was just as well that all of us left.

Friday, May 14, 2010

This is just a lousy week after a big nice one I had last week *bother*

Mutt's leg is at the weakest now and he can hardly stand on his own as often as he would have like. After all his running around last week that probably did him in and I am so worried he never be normal again. I know he is a senior at 17 on borrowed time ya dah ya dah but the point is I never ever want to give up until he have given up himself. As last I checked he is still downing food and eager to go downstairs for his evening stroll albeit we keep it a really short one to avoid straining him.

I am praying so earnestly and ask God for mercy to be bestow on his tiny frame and that his quality of life wouldnt be compromise because I know when he have reached the epitome of old age but I just cannot help it. He have live with us for the last 17 years and if it wasnt the aching joint I swear he easily go on to 20. I know my darling have to walk or he will just wilt like flower. I know he love life too much to spent it moping on the floor not able to navigate the house and just trying to annoy everyone as per his antics.

I am just glad tomorrow is Saturday where we will sent him for accupuncture to ease some of the pain. It have come to a point where I am always thinking of weekends so I can spend more time with him. I know it annoys the hell out of hubby but I really think is nothing because I dont want to regret in future that I have not spent the time with him when I could have. I just love the mutt so so dearly.

I am just hoping that tomorrow will be a good day for the mutt. He just needs it.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

I wonder when will I have the chance to celebrate mothers day. To add salt to the wound I have my birthday today. How apt...

I want a babe of my own.. not that I choose not to have but I just dont like to go on so much about it with anyone aside from hubby, mum and dad.

I want the imps to draw me sappy cards to honour the love I shower on them.

I want to feel the love and cuddles from the tiny tots that I know I will so enjoy.

I just hope when I look back at the blog next year I have that wish come true.